Legacy of Oblivion

Good old Dr. Seuss made an appearance to the guild the other night, to warm up the LoOnies for the first ever Scavenger Hunt that will be taking place on January 1. So far sign ups have been low, but we are hoping for a great turnout. The group with the most points will win a pretty nice sum of money to divide amongst them, as well as some various items and enchantments. The prize winnings have all been donated by a few different members and we appreciate the contributions that have been received thus far. At this time we are still taking donations so if there is anything you would like to contribute, it would be greatly appreciated. If you’re broke, then don’t sweat it — come on out and see if you and your team can’t get lucky!

At 6:45pm CST on January 1, meet down at the Shimmering Flats! As DocSeuss, our Master of Ceremonies, has directed us, find the girl with the short pants! Thankfully this time we don’t mean me, although I do have a lot of complaints about how my pants and boots never seem to meet up at my knees. Never mind, that’s a post for another day. At 6:45, Arcadi and Caul will be splitting up everyone into groups of about 3 - 4 people. Each group must come up with their own team name. At 7:00pm CST, the Scavenger Hunt list will be posted on the site, as well as the members forum, and the games will begin!

The rules are:

1. You cannot pay people to participate in your screenshots. Do not bend the rules - this means no exchanging of items, money or services - that includes lapdances (I’m watching you, Zug).

2. Groups must stick together. If a team member goes Linkdead, the team must wait for the member to come back before pressing on. Teams may not split up to search for various items - you must stick together.

3. Zug sucks.

Other than that, I can’t think of any other rules. If any occur to me, I will be sure to shout ‘em out before we begin.

Because we are taking screenshots, all shots will be emailed to Arcadi in their original formats - Arcadi will post his email address in the members forum. Just be sure that when you send your screenshot, you say who you are and what team you’re with.

We are very excited to have DocSeuss oversee the event as our Master of Ceremonies. It wasn’t easy to get him after all, because he is quite a celebrity, not to mention the fact that he’s dead (RIP Dr. Seuss!). Everywhere he goes, fans flock to him, showering him with affection! In fact, when DocSeuss made his appearance in Durotar the other day, one fan was so excited that he was completely confused about how to react! Many dueling requests were followed with group requests, all of which had to be respectfully declined. But this hardcore fan was not going to be turned away so easily! Snubbed by his favorite author, he was not about to let our dear DocSeuss go.

LoOnies, I would like you to meet Henry.

Henry is a young troll who was confused about his love for the Great DocSeuss.

Um, excuse me? Please keep in mind that the great DocSeuss, although he is a shaman in a skirt, is a boy. Definitely. I mean, I’ve not peeked under his bottoms to check it out, but I’m pretty confident that he is a male troll, and as such, really digs lady trolls. You wouldn’t know this, but he’s a real ladies’ man. Needless to say DocSeuss was quite confused about this offer, although definitely amused.

Asssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

After my sassy comeback, I think Henry felt that I had thrown down the gauntlet — except that I don’t think he knows what a “gauntlet” is, so maybe I’ll just say “glove” or “mitten”. Oops, “mitten” has too many syllables. Let’s just stick with “glove”. Anyway, he’s not going to let this one go without a fight, since he is getting a sense that he’s being insulted.

Dude, did I not just explain to you that DocSeuss is male and wanting to shake his asssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss for you would make him gay and he likes the hot troll ladies? My suspicious are correct: Henry is not the brightest bulb in the box. Enjoying his idiocy thoroughly, I continue the conversation.

I have to admit, at this point I was desperately wishing that I was having a verbal sparring match with something a little more intelligent, such as a rock or a tree or Kevin Federline — and you have no idea how desperate you are for intelligence until you’re wishing that you were talking to Kevin Federline instead. Henry, it seems, has no creative juices for a conversation, and needs to draw inspiration from what other people say. For example, if I suddenly told him that I did not like scrambled eggs, he would come back with, “You like scrambled eggssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss” But no, I was wrong. He seemed very confused about my response.

Huh?

This conversation is going nowhere, fast. So I leave Henry to his own devices at this point. Besides, as you can see, DocSeuss is on a mission to level up and make it to the Scavenger Hunt! The guy’s a working machine, and quite franky he doesn’t have time to banter with idiots.

Aaaand we’re back to square one with the whole homosexual scenario, which isn’t going to happen because I think DocSeuss likes to cruise for the ladies. When I stop responding, Henry uses his last ditch effort to make his suave moves on DocSeuss, who just won’t fall for his masculine wiles.

Dwadd? Is that an insult, or is he trying to cyber me?

That was the last I saw of Henry, although I will always remember him. Oh wait, I’ve forgotten him already. Oh well, there’s no time to dwell anyway because DocSeuss is on a mission to bring to you the greatest Scavenger Hunt event! Time is of the essence!

Go swiftly DocSeuss, and we will see you tomorrow at the games!

Just a quick update from the noobs. We went to Zul’Farrak and messed around a bit, trained ourselves a lot, and had a great time letting Ara die. Repeatedly. Congrats everyone on their new toys! Arachne also got a new toy while we were there:

Careful with that new toy hunter there. He gets a little ornery at times and can put an eye out.

Here’s Mr. Bly:

Congrats to the hunters on their Masons Fraternity Rings!

Also, congrats to Ara on disenchant bait, Jinxed Hoodoo Skin, that dropped from one of the named trolls at the end of the event.

We beat up on Chief Ukorz Sandscalp and his little friend before we left the area, congrats Rhuinn on her new Ripsaw.

After that, we stopped briefly to take down Witch Doctor Zum’Rah, who must have not dropped anything important, because I didn’t take a screenshot. I think his Witch Doctor Chest had something like mageweave and some copper. Yes, that’s it. We got better stuff killing the undead trolls around the area.

After that, we were getting a little silly, and Ara told Thundrax to pull a lot of mobs while Arcadi (our priest) was AFK. Thund got a bunch of scarabs and unfortunately the named came along too. Amazingly enough, we didn’t all die!

After Arc came back, Ara wanted another train. Choo-choo! Fortunately the only death with this one was Ara.

There were a couple of other critters that we didn’t bother with due to some of us not having the quests ready or just a general lack of time, it being a work night. All in all, a good time. I leave you with this happy thought:

Happy eye-gouging!

Hi kids. You’re going to get a real treat today! I’m going to give you a rare glimpse into what exactly makes LoOnies pwn so much. Below is a step-by-step guide on how to be just like us!

Step #1: Know thy game! Forget Thottbot or Allakhazam. If you really want to be in the know, ask our very own Arachne.

Step #2: Always keep that hearthstone ready. Otherwise, you might wind up like this sorry paladin!

Step #3: All guns go to Thundrax. He collects them. He gets really mad if he doesn’t get at least one gun per raid. And trust me, it’s better to not make Thundrax mad. I have it on very good faith that Blizzard is working on a quest at this very moment to track down the 20 pieces of the last person who did.

Step #4: Train the priest whenever possible. Especially when he’s drinking. Nothing is funnier than an angry drunk priest.

Step #5: Every now and then, stop to demonstrate to the woodland creatures that you care. They are our friends!

Step #6: Never fail to demonstrate to anyone, PC or NPC, that you pwn them. Getting into a /yell match with them is an excellent way to do this…both in Ogrimmar and out in the field.

Step #7: Finally, never forget that you play to relax. From the slew of naked night elf females inevitably dancing on a mailbox to the back massagers in Uldaman, Blizzard has provided ample opportunity to its players to take a little R&R from time to time.

I hope that you find this list useful and helpful in your own efforts to pwn. Until then, you can live vicariously through us!

In other news, the n00b crew went to Uldaman for some fun with dwarves and other miscellaneous creatures. Many thanks to Venti for getting the event going, and to Caul and Toe for running us through. We cleared most of the instance, and cleared the outside so many times that I’m still picking dwarf bits out of my armor. Here are pictures of things we made falldowngoboom:

Revelosh:

Congrats to me for vendor bait Revelosh’s Gloves of the Owl, and to Thundrax for vendor/twink/AH bait Ranger Cloak of Nature’s Wrath.

Ironaya:

Congrats to Thundrax for Ironaya’s Bracers of Stamina.

Ancient Stone Keeper:

Congrats to Thundrax for vendor bait Cragfists of the Bear.

We stopped to smack Galgan Firehammer, but due to a bunch of unexpected adds, I did not get a screenshot. Congrats Thundrax on….another gun!

Grimlok:

Congrats to me on Oilskin Leggings.

And last, but not least, the big ugly himself, Archaedas:

Congrats to me on Archaedic Stone of the Bear!

Because there is no such thing as having too much fun with monks, Peen & Co. packed up the pitchforks and went a-farmin’. This time, we were denied Arachne’s not-quite-as-uber-as-Iraas’-green-balls, but we still went with this joyful holiday chorus ringing in our ears:



Ahh, don’t you just love Christmastime?

Pressing on. We looked in on Houndmaster so-and-so, and he decided to just fall over and die. Pity. Grats Thundrax on the dog whistle.

After that, to Arcanist Doan! Congrats Rhuinn on a new pokey:



Also, congrats Peen on what we thought was going to be vendor bait. Boy were we wrong!



Apparently the Peen likes to feel more free when he’s fighting, so he chose to wear the robe for a good long while. Arcadi was not amused.



Onward to Herod!



Congrats Rapine on shoulders:



We dispatched the remaining two named and their friends with surprising ease. Congrats Arcadi on a new necklace, and Thundrax on new pants!





It was then decided that Herod didn’t look dead enough when we left him. So we figured we’d go kick him again for good measure, and hopefully to get the hat for Thundrax. Herod was apparently tired of seeing us by this point, so he gave it up without a fight. Grats Thundrax!

And just because it’s apparently fun to kill small furry creatures: AW out.

Dear Friends,

Over a year ago, I met Koryn in the Barrens. We were both soloing at the mines, watching noobs die horribly. Sharing many good laughs at other people’s misfortunes created a strong bond of friendship that we believed could never be broken. Unfortunately sometimes people and their priorities change. In fact, this is what has happened to me. Please do not cry or grieve for loss of friendship, for I am going to a much better place. While hanging out in Orgrimmar, I found a new group that I felt I could call family:

The BLACK Lotus Knights can give me all the phat lewts I can handle! Check it out - they’ll give me 6 SLOTS bag just for joining up! At least, I think that’s what is going on because if you read it carefully it looks like they’ve already given away all of the bags. Also, I’m not quite sure what a 6 SLOTS bag is, but it sounds really l33t. But if they still have some, it’s an offer I can’t refuse. All I get in LoO is grief from Zug, but phat lewts await me with the BLACK Lotus Knights, so farewell my friends! I will always remember you and the times we had. I am sorry you had to find out this way but I’m sure you understand my deciding to leave you for a l33t 6 SLOTS bag. Maybe one day you will learn to love again.

XOXO,
Sabe

Ah, the people I encounter in Orgrimmar. I like to hang out there just to see how stupid people will get in General chat. Of course, I am never disappointed. Sometimes I see things from our neighbors that I feel the need to discuss. Normally I share my deep musings with Koryn, our noble and wise guild leader. He always has sage wisdom to impart on anything I would like to talk about.

Oops, did I say noble and wise? I meant smart ass.

I wouldn’t want to join BLACK Lotus Knights anyway because they seem to be really confused about the caps lock key. Needless to say, they aren’t the only ones. It seems to be a growing epidemic within Orgrimmar. Here’s another tidbit I picked up from another guild pursuing the noble art of spamming guild advertisements into general chat in an attempt to guild the idiot masses. It looks like I pieced a couple of different conversations together, but I swear it’s the same one. I was riding through Orgrimmar on my mount when the conversation was taking place, and I had to cut out all of the chat in between. It really is the same conversation, I swear:

It’s so nice when people want to help out the tards, but unfortunately you can’t teach an old tard new tricks. Or is that dogs? Whatever.

In other news, in case anyone has not yet figured it out, every female horde member can look like a disgusting gnome in a bikini. Just jump into the nearest Wondervolt…

…and you’ll pop out looking like a gnome in a holiday bikini.

Note to lonely Blizzard programmers: This is not a sexy look. Gnomes have small, Claire Daines boobies. They are not attractive. It is not cute, nor sexy. Cover those things because no one wants to see them. Seriously. Yuk.

And now for a couple of follow up items before we cover this past weekend in Scholomance.

Shae’s turets was acting up which resulted in a new guild mantra. Only a handful of people were online when it happened, so when it gets repeated people seem confused. Luckily enough, I took a screenshot so everyone can get an idea of what we’re talking about:

I did a terrible cut and paste job putting that conversation together, sorry. If you don’t like it, you can bite me. Except Zug. He’s escalated up to “kiss my ass”. It’s like being ushered to the front of the tard line.

Speaking of Zug, in my last update I brought to everyone’s attention the strange messages he was leaving in my mailbox. We’re coming a little bit closer to discovering the meaning.

I wasn’t going to go there, but I figured sooner or later he would.

This past weekend we headed back to Scholomance, this time with nine people. NINE! Welcome Toetem to the upper 50’s - 60’s weekend raids! We had to break him in sooner or later, so at level 56 we figured what the hell - noob aggro ftw! And let me tell you, he was showing some real enthusiasm. While waiting for Iraas to show up late to the raid again like he usually does (probably because he’s spending all his time in the bathroom fixing his hair that is never going to get any better than the electrocuted look) Zug told Toetem to just run on into the instance! Before anyone could stop him, Toetem jumped through. That’s the kind of crazy we’re looking for.

Grim’s also back from internet connection hell, and it was so great to see him again.

Wait, something’s different…

Zug’s internet errors also seem to be fixed, and his crashing seems to have stopped. I am still having problems with my computer, so we touched bases to see if his solution would work for me. He is a programmer with a degree in Computer Gnomes, so he’s someone I know I can rely on for tips.

I have no idea if that will work for me, but it seemed to work for Zug because his problems have been solved. Sort of.

Shae, you’re my hero.

And of course, we never start off a night without some interesting banter about someone’s undying devotion to Iraas’ green balls.

AHAHAHAHA — Oh, sorry. I’m not very good at the “not making fun of Zug” thing, but I’ll get right on top of it. Really. I will.

Ahem.

Scholomance was fun and easy. It was also fast - I mean, we’re NINE PEOPLE in Scholomance. It was wtf-fast. I didn’t even catch all the bosses we mowed down. But I did get some pictures - hey, don’t judge me. After a year we finally have another shaman on the raid, so I took screenshots, interrupted some spells, threw down some totems and totally almost killed Caracarn a couple of times because I wasn’t paying attention.

The important thing is, I got screenshots. Here are the highlights of our trip.

This is a dude we killed:

And another dude we killed, right before Grim finished kicking his ass:

We were plowing through the zone so fast, there was no time to stop and introduce ourselves and that’s why I didn’t catch their names. I’m sure they’re lovely people. Things. Whatever.

Here’s a guy whose name I did manage to catch, because I had him targeted and his name’s right there on the screenshot. Otherwise, we killed him as quickly as the others which makes them all totally unmemorable. But don’t tell them I said that because they might feel bad.

Maybe next time I’ll be sure to target before I screenshot, but we had Toetem filling in the shaman slot beautifully, so I was useless as usual, taking screenshots. Hey, what did I say about judging me? Screenshot-taker is a very important role in this guild.

If you notice in the screenshot with Darkmaster Gandling, he’s wearing a green santa hat. I was trying to get a good shot of him, but the bastard is camera shy and banished me. That shot was the best I could get.

In the end, some nifty items were had:
Deadwalker Mantle - Grats Iraas
Necropile Robe - Grats Koryn
Iceblade Hacker - Grats me and my 6 axe skill
Major Mana Potion Recipe - Grats Toetem

And of course, grats some other things that I forgot to write down or screenshot.

The best part of all is that when Koryn looted the Necropile Robe from Darkmaster Gandling, the santa hat was sitting on the corpse, lootable. Grats Koryn on the hat!

We whipped through Scholomance so fast that it was quickly decided to head on over and do a Baron run so we could get some useless druid or paladin legs. Unfortunately at this point we lost Grim, but Xerolk logged in and for the first time, he joined us as meat shield. Welcome to the big kids’ raid, Xerolk! (I tease, but to be perfectly honest, we’ve all been tremendously excited about adding Toetem and Xerolk to the group. Welcome guys!)

While we waited for Xerolk to arrive, there was plenty to talk about.

Two words: SUCK! YOU

I apologize that I always post tidbits about Zug. I would like to clarify that it’s not some semblance of friendship - that’s wrong on so many levels. It’s just that he’s always talking, and he likes to make himself an easy target.

See what I mean? I have no freaking clue what he’s talking about here, so don’t ask. He said he would send a picture, so the best I can offer is a copy of it when it comes.

We ran through Stratholme dead side very quickly and ended up at Baron. To our delight he did not drop the druid or paladin pants, but instead dropped the rogue pants. Grats Bara on Shadowcraft Pants. And grats Cara on Robes of the Exalted which may be going the way of the disenchant button, I don’t know. Just in case I thought I’d link them. I think Xerolk also got a couple of nifty items, but in my uselessness I didn’t write them down.

All in all it was a great night. Xerolk and Toetem had a great time, and the rest of us were just happy to be able to start breaking them in. I mean, having them along. Yeah. That’s what I meant.

Ok other than that, he really did have a great time.

Of course all good things must come to an end, so after the Baron was killed we called it a night. Koryn, our taxi, gave the signal to depart.

See, the short bus goes to Orgrimmar and it’s bad. But the tard bus is for the LoOnies and it’s not so bad.

…I probably should have thought that one through a bit more.

Just a quick update…The noob crew went to Scarlet Monastery for more fun with monks (scandalous!) on Sunday evening. Group: Thundrax, Autumnwolf, Arachne, Arcadi & Rapine.

But first, I start you out with our very deep, insightful discussion in guildchat earlier that day.



Pressing onward to the pwnage. We fought many fierce creatures, but perhaps the fiercest of all were the ferocious flesh-eating rabbits.



Also, we discovered a deeper side of Arachne, who apparently holds Iraas’ balls in great esteem.



Much lootage ensued. Grats Rapine on the “Dog Whistle” from Houndmaster whats-his-name.

Arcanist Doan fell quickly before the onslaught of the Peen and co. Grats Ara on the Delusionary….er….Illusionary Rod and Arcadi on the Mantle of Doan:





Herod fell not-quite-as-quickly-as-Arcanist-Doan-but-still-relatively-quickly before us as well. Grats Rapine on a hat that I forgot to take a screenshot of. Raging Berzerker Helm I think it was.

After that, Whitemane and Mograine fell pretty darn slowly, but that’s because we like to make death a slow painful process, yeah! That, and I’m a bownty hunta. Grats Ara on a new hat, and Thundrax on vendor bait:





Much fun was had, and many trains caused by “Target nearest” actually meaning “Target farthest”. Good times.

Zug is leaving secret messages in my mailbox.

I say “secret” message, because I have yet to figure out what “Suck! You” means. The world may never know. It’s probably best this way.

As I mentioned earlier, many new guilds have been popping up all across the Horde. It appears that the trendy thing is to have “PvP” in your name.

I am guessing that putting “PvP” in your name means that you have some sort of street cred. It’s like putting bling on an old, beat up Gremlin. Koryn wants us to stay hip and trendy, so he decided in favor of a name change.

Uber! We’ll be like a guild of news anchors!

Last weekend, the guild headed off to Scholomance for the first time. So far only Zug and Shae had been there, so we were trusting in their expertise. I didn’t even know where it was. That’s ok because Zug, our trusty raid leader, is always there to help out.

I should have asked Shae instead. That’s ok, you know I’ll always have the last laugh — here’s Zug leading the guild on raid night.

Unfortunately with so many traveling for the holidays, we had six people for the raid. I dropped out so the group could do a nice 5-man run so, no screenshots. I do hear that the group (Zug, Iraas, Grim, Shae and Bara) owned it, and the phat lewts were basically 238473974398723 shields. Grats Grim on your shield collection, and grats guys on Scholo ownage.

Also, earlier this week, Thundrax, Rhuinn, Arcadi and Autumnwolf ventured forth into Scarlet Monestary. I don’t have screenshots of that either because I wasn’t there, but I do have it on good authority that they owned. Congrats on SM ownage!