Legacy of Oblivion

Since making friends with Bloodsoldier, we have been watching for him, waiting for him, pining for his presence.

Don’t we all?

While we hold vigil, there is another friend that we should get to know: Soina. Unable to ignore her cries for help, Koryn was immediately intrigued by this poor girl’s plight.

What kind of a cold, cruel world do we live in where noobs are borke?

Will that require corrective surgery?

I’m signing up since Soina is the olny one for me. Weird; all this time I have been saving myself for Bloodsoldier. I thought we had something real. I thought I was his bitch face.

Bastard.

If you haven’t yet noticed, the guild calendar has changed. We have moved on to a new and improved Google Calendar, and you can find the link at the top of this page. Inside each appointment is the link to the forum thread where you can sign up, and I’ll try to add Library links in case anyone needs to find Thundrax’s leet strategies for the specific zone.

Also, don’t forget your savory deviate delights.

Of course he does!

The times are listed in the calendar and also in the thread if you need them. Please plan accordingly so you can be on time.

Yes, it actually was Luke and Obi-Wan getting up a ledge. For the record, I figured it out on my own, and I didn’t even need a bantha to get it done.

Now follow this next screenshot carefully. My favorite part about it is that it is that Arcadi is being discreet, Zug takes it one step further, and of course Iraas is more than happy to come right out and say it. It’s like the varying degrees of our guild’s depravity in a perfect sequence.

More Iraas on the subject:

He’s so discreet.

We’ve had instance runs nearly every night, but that hasn’t stopped our noobage. The twink population in the guild has grown tremendously, and we didn’t even give them water or feed them after midnight.

It’s astounding every night. Give in, people. Give in to your inner-noob.

I think AW is implying we are the stupid name brigade. Before we get offended, take solace in knowing that at least we aren’t these guys:

You could join them and be a part of the best pvp guild on their server, but the downside is that you’d have to switch to the aggramer server and you would have to be shaped like { or ] in order to be accepted into their ranks.

What about these guys:

Hell yes! Judging by the name, you either have to be a blood elf or a bloody idiot to join.

If you aren’t either of those, consider staying close to home. A new branch of Oblivion has emerged. No other branch of Oblivion has been able to stick it out for very long, so let’s see if these jokers can.

Ssbloodelf. Dude, I would be ashamed to have that name. Anyone who intentionally comes up with such idiotic names should be face public ridicule.

Anyway, apparently these dudes crusade in the oblivion, or possibly even against the oblivion, in which case we should drop Zug into their secret base and wipe them all out with his awesome smell.

With so many tempting offers, how is it possible that we choose to stay together? Because of the strong bond we have cultivated over the last few years. Do you feel it as I do?

It is strong with us, and we are there for each other as friends should be.

Except for Zug, who sucks. Here’s your Zug Moment:

Sucka. Stay tuned for more updates. Thanks again to AW, Koryn and Zug for extra screenshots.

Here in LoO, we tend to attract gamers of a certain caliber. We can’t help it. After all, we are oozing with a sort of je ne sais quoi.

Okay, most of us are.

Or maybe only some of us are.

Or not.

But we don’t really need it. Spring was the time when a man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love. To call upon a lover, one must exhibit the right qualities to woo another.

Now that spring has passed us by, ne’er to return for another year, we bask in the glow of the summer sun. Put away the nuances of springtime love! For summer, you need only Willy.

For some reason, Iraas seems to know a great deal about Zug’s Willy.

I don’t want to know. Nevertheless, the Willy craze has swept through the guild and we are obsessed with this new aphrodisiac.

And by “obsessed” I mean “wary.”

Right now, many of us are unsure how to handle our Willys.

With enough practice, we will be able to care for each of our Willys with masterful precision –

– or find someone who can.

We’re whipping ‘em out everywhere we go. Indiscriminately.

I wasn’t looking on purpose, so don’t get any ideas. I’m not touching your Willy, but we know of someone who will.

And now, for your Moment of Zug:

Special thanks to AW, Arcadi, Koryn, and Zug for extra screenshots.

Every LoOny is like a superhero in their own right. Each one of us has our own unique, crime-fighting talents.

Each has our own evil nemesis.

Each has our own word of sage superhero advice.

Perhaps the only difference between the LoOnies and an actual superhero is that, rather than fighting crime for the benefit of the good folks of the world, we tend to think that everyone else in the world is a bumbling moron who gets what they deserve. What I’m trying to say is this: We hate everyone else.

Think of us as superheroes against dumbasses – except for Zug. He’s pretty much the Gleek of our superhero cult.

And his outfit is a rainbow of fruit flavors.

Together, we use our talents to fight retards, oppose idiocy –

– destroy worlds.

Besides us? I can think of only one:

Chad Vader unavailable for comment.

If ever there is a break in our busy idiot-fighting schedule, we take time out to ridicule everyone in our paths.

Exactly.

We have tried various methods of reform, but the ways of evil have twisted our souls, bending us so easily to the will of a foul perversion that we may never break the habits of.

Those who join us must learn these ways – or die.

Evils roam the land that you must be on guard against. Here is an evil that is named appropriately so that when you see him, you’ll know what to do to him:

Also, beware the I.Q. depleting noobs.

Not aosome.

And of course, Kal’s dancing.

Also not aosome.

Stop encouraging him, Grim.

We can win the day against the foul wind of noobness that blows across Azeroth, my friends. Stick close to your fellow LoOnies, be on your guard against the evils that prevail in our land and, as always, have a positive attitude.

Yes.

Stay tuned for more updates. A bunch of screenshots were emailed to me over the weekend. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to squeeze any of them in with this update, but I will try to get them in later this week. Keep ‘em coming – if you have a noob or guildie you want to see on the front page, email it in.

And now, for your Moment of Zug.

Since the expansion, things in WoW just haven’t been the same. We’ve tried to roll with the punches — to evolve, as it were, and yet somehow it is as if something is lacking. I know you feel it. I feel it, too.

It’s all right, my people. Henry may be gone, but we have a new retard for you!

So, last night, AW, Arcadi and I are playing our noobs, killing murlocs, minding our own business. Arcadi sees a chest. He was very excited. What can I say, Arcadi likes chests.

Anyway.

So we clear the little area around the chest and, wouldn’t you know, Bloodsoldier takes our chest! And everyone knows you don’t come between Arcadi and his chest. (Sorry, AW – I couldn’t resist.) After that, he must have asked Arcadi to group or duel or dance or for a kiss – Arc was playing a female blood elf, after all. I’m not sure what exactly Bloodsoldier wanted, but Arcadi wasn’t feeling very amicable.

Uh oh, now we made Bloodsoldier MAD!

So we finish our quests and head back to the NPC. Guess who was waiting for us? Bloodsoldier! Oh, we were so happy to be reunited once again!

He was thrilled to see us.

Unfortunately AW got a little mixed up when she tried to add him to her friends list.

That’s when the conversation really got going!

Apparently I am nine years old. He can refer to others as “bitch faces,” but I am a nine year old. I didn’t respond further, and it was obvious that it hurt his feelings so he tried to make up — by giving me this window about 2983472938473 times:

When I kept refusing his requests (which obviously were his way of asking me to have his love children) he tried to make me jealous by pursuing someone else.

Probably a bad move, considering he is level 9. He would have been better off talking to AW, who still had him on ignore. I knew he was just trying to get my attention so I didn’t say anything. I did add him to my friends list, though – right where Henry used to be. Sadly, after he lost that embarrassing duel, he logged out.

It’s ok, I’ve got him on my friends list. Fellow LoOnies and friends of LoOnies, he can be on your friends list, too. I didn’t know if we would quite recover from the emptiness we felt when Bloodsoldier left us, but somehow we did. It took us a really long time to forget him – about 0.01 seconds when our attention was called away by something really important:

Moving along, do you remember that embarrassing defeat back in ZG so long ago? Of course you do. Well recently, we went back to kick some ass.

That’s right, we went back and made some bosses our bitches. Do you know why we were so successful this time around? No, this time we didn’t even have to disguise ourselves as pirates and ninjas. Our secret:

No Zug.

And rock, we did. We rocked slower than hell, but hey, at least we rocked. Bosses died, and many evil plans were thwarted.

There was also something about a peanut.

Of course he didn’t give her any liquor – he drank it all.

At any rate, nice work LoOnies.

And before I let you go, like The Daily Show’s “moment of zen,” here’s your “moment of Zug”:

Stay tuned for more updates, which I promise are forthcoming. By the way, I hope you like the new site. At the bottom of each post is a link for comments, if you care to leave one, otherwise you can post on the forums.