Legacy of Oblivion

This week, my brochure was a little too big to fit on the forums.

Last Sunday, some of us banded together to go kill trolls in Sunken Temple. Which is an honorable pasttime, even if you are a troll! It was a fun zone, and I was never so glad to breathe the air in Ogrimmar. Ok, so I’m never glad to breathe the air in Ogrimmar. That place smells funny.

As you may remember, Zugzugdaman (aka Arachne), became lost several times when trying to navigate the very highly confusing zone of Mauradon. Well, this night began no differently….

However, Arachne quickly regained her wits (or found a really good map) and proceeded to fall through the world! Oops.

Considering those of us that remained had absolutely no clue how to get around in the zone, it is a frickin’ miracle we made it back to the zone in area to pick Arachne up. But we made it, and things began to roll much more smoothly, as illustrated below:

Considering we had recently worked our way back to the entrance, this time, we were able to find the way with our eyes closed.

Despite the comic relief provided by Ara, we were able to complete several quests, and kill some pretty interesting creatures. We killed a bunch of monsters whose names I can’t pronounce:

And got some really nice items to boot. Congrats to Thundrax on A BOW!!!!!!! Congrats to the Peen on the Nightfall Drape.

Congrats to Arcadi on the Kilt of the Atal’ai Prophet, which furthers his status as a filthy rotten twink ™.

Congrats to Ara on Rod of Corrosion and Spire of Hakkar, and to me on Windscale Sarong and Dragon’s Eye.

In other news:

And in other other news:

Congratulations to Arachne on completing the infernal quest!

There’s all sorts of action going on in the guild since the group forum was added. On Thursday night, a few of us headed out to Dire Maul. With North not looking so probable, we headed East for a little demolition.

And that’s putting it mildly.

Our band of fearless butt kickers consisted of 2 hunters (Rhuinn & Thundrax), 2 shaman (Toetem and myself) and 1 rogue (Barathron). Now, you may be wondering how in the world we managed with that group make-up. Trust me folks, it’s easy when you’re as awesome as the LoOnies.

There’s a complex storyline behind the East wing with interesting quests that relate — but it’s boring and no one wants to hear about that. Let us instead discuss the things that matter, like this little shit:

As soon as you enter East, there is a little idiot off to the left hand side named Pusillin. After you talk to him, he taunts you to follow. I tried taking a few shots of him during the evening, but he runs away from you pretty fast, and all there is to catch is his backside. And that’s not an invitation, so it has to be more taunting.

To reach wherever Pusillin has run off to, you have to kill some things.

Again, for some reason I was only able to catch the backside of this tree - that is, assuming trees have butts. By now I was starting to see a pattern: Either everyone in this zone is shy or they are just really proud of their butts.

You also kill a lot of these things:

They’re flowers, so I don’t think they have butts.

This is the first trip Rhuinn, Thundrax, and Toetem have ever been on with Bara, so it took a little bit of time for them to get used to Bara’s leading methods. The old schoolers could tell a story or two about that, but in the meantime I sat back and watched them try to figure out why Bara would run to a spot and start jumping up and down like a freak. Not that I’m complaining; Zug as raid leader wasn’t exactly an upgrade. Eventually they started getting used to him.

You have no idea.

Early on in the evening, Fluffy, Rhuinn’s bear, dinged 57. Grats Fluffy! I tried getting a screenshot of Fluffy, but Rhuinn was running all over and all I could catch was a shot of bear butt. Figures - it was par for the course that evening. Grats Fluffy on 57!

Now, you are probably thinking to yourself, “Wow, that bear butt is HUGE!” And you’re right, it is.

Thundrax’s pet, Siege, also made 57. Congrats Siege’s butt!

Finally we caught up to Pusillin again, where he morphs into a larger, uglier version of himself. And then we killed him. Here a picture of his butt, super-sized:

I have no idea why the one on the left is flying through the air. Maybe he was posing for the camera. He is the only one in the zone who didn’t want to show me his butt.

Next up was Lethendris, but I forgot to take a screenshot. Sorry. Here’s another picture of a butt to tide you over:

Then we went to kill another boss. There was only one thing Rhuinn needed to know before killing him.

Unfortunately, it’s worse than that.

So far this was not sounding like much fun to anyone except for one — leave it to Toetem to find the silver lining.

I don’t know if this is a place that I would recommend you reserve for a weekend to spend with that special someone. Not unless you’re dating someone from the Adams Family. But hey, different strokes for different folks. One spacious master bedroom situated in an upper loft with a stunning view of concrete walls, complete with fireplace, king sized stone slab bed, and skulls. Rats optional.

In keeping with our theme, here is a picture of his ugly, dead butt.

Pressing on, we came to a large area with many foes surrounding a nice tree guy whom we wanted to speak with. After a lot of killing, we were finally able to speak with the tree. Unfortunately Bara started talking to the tree before I could get a screenshot, and the tree shot off like a rocket down the path. So, here’s another butt for your enjoyment.

I guess that I’m kind of in the way of the tree butt, but don’t worry because you really aren’t missing much. I’ve seen better butts in that zone.

Then things got confusing. Iraas, who must be going insane from the pvp grind, shouted out the inane rantings of a madman in guildchat.

I have no idea what in the hell he’s talking about, so here’s a picture of Erik Estrada’s butt.

It looks so firm!

After we were able to recover from that, we cruised on down to the final boss. Here’s his butt; I’ll give it an 8.9:

Our victory was near, so we rushed into the fight. The boss turns into a wolf, and you fight him. Here’s a shot of a bunch of butts together with Barathron. Wait, that didn’t come out right.

And of course, the LoOnies prevailed. Congrats Rhuinn on her new Fiendish Machete.

All in all, a successful run was had by our fearless group of five! Here are some screenshots of our victorious party:

If you’re a big pervert, you’ll be able to figure out what butts belong to which person.

And now for a PSA:

I’m mean!

That’s it for now, stay tuned for more news from the LoOnies.

On the day of the scavenger hunt, spirits were high. And seeing as how it was January 1, it was a good time for reflection on the previous year.

What a fine year in LoO, indeed. I was even feeling amicable toward Zug.

Mark that on your calendars, folks, because you don’t see that every day. Ah yes, we were filled with the joy of life and the beauty of friendship. Everything was beautiful that day, and we all rejoiced in innocence and youth!

Thankfully, Rapine was there to ruin it.

The conversation actually worsened but I have decided to spare you. Just trust me on this one. You’ll thank me later.

At 6:45pm, LoOnies headed down to the Shimmering Flats. Daisy was looking pretty hot in her Daisy Dukes, but there were a bunch of alliance folks marring the scenery. There was only one thing for the LoOnies to do: Kick some alliance ass. So we did.

Har har!

During this time, DocSeuss made his appearance… finally, after waiting a bazillion years to get my character select screen because of all the new noobs that are clogging up our server. (Thanks, noobs!) Arcadi quickly separated everyone into their respective groups, and waited for them to think up team names for themselves. Some of them were not being very quick, and were in danger of a name being assigned to them by Arcadi - dangerous stuff. With that in mind, everyone quickly named themselves. Our distinguished groups were:

Greenballs, Inc.
Iraas
Rapine
Rhuinn

Grim’s Reapers
Grimvalt
Krushed
Thundrax
Raste

Zug’s Slugs
Zugzugdaman
Toetem
Autumnwolf

With the groups ready and waiting, DocSeuss gave his final words to send the groups off on the hunt.

And then they were off! In fact they were rocketing off so fast that they actually appeared to be standing still for the first 10 minutes. After they all gated to Orgrimmar, the judges hung out in Shimmering Flats to monitor the situation. According to the guys, the situation was fine, blonde, and wearing some really short shorts.

The scavenger hunt list was basically split into four different categories:
1. Item Gathering
2. Screenshot Gathering
3. Riddle Solving (which resulted in an item that needed to be gathered)
4. Write a haiku about how much Zug sucks.

The list of things to gather was all over the globe, so each team needed to locate items and decide quickly what their strategy was going to be. The judges sat back to watch how the teams were going to tackle their list.

Then this dude showed up.

He was very surprised to see our level 5 DocSeuss hanging out in such a dangerous place, but Arcadi was there to defend his honor. Somehow, this dude got the wrong idea about the Doc. As we all know, this isn’t the first time. I think the skirt throws everyone off.

Because we were monitoring the teams’ activities, we knew Rhuinn was in Orgrimmar.

I always had a feeling about Rhuinn. You know what they say about the quiet type.

When he was finally gone, we continued to monitor the groups as they were clearly picking their strategies and heading out to different places all over the globe. The judges had worked really hard on the list, but unfortunately there were a few things that there lootable by Alliance only.

Uh, I mean - we meant to do that! As Arcadi declared, they were Red Herrings! We totally planned that.

Our riddles were also a big fave of the game. Once Zug’s Slugs deciphered their meanings, Captain Zug sent the judges messages to tell us how he felt about them.

Other than that, things were going smoothly. Oh wait, no they weren’t.

You see, here’s what we did. On the scavenger hunt item list, we had listed ghosting into Stormwind, Ironforge and Darnassus and doing a group /rude to the city boss. Unfortunately, we had forgotten that in order to see foes in ghost form, you had to die somewhere near said foe. Zug’s Slugs, in a valiant attempt to catch the boss, suicided inside of Stormwind but couldn’t get close enough. To make matters worse, once you get into an enemy city, you are flagged for PvP, and that means all the alliance in the area are going to CC you. Upon hearing this the judges were incredibly distraught.

At this point we started giggling maniacally because we felt really bad. Along the same vein, sometime during the evening, Rapine’s karma caught up with him.

We actually thought that was hilarious.

On the other hand, let it be know that Greenballs, Inc. actually made it into Stormwind and got a picture of the King. They were the only ones to do it, too. I think we should have just called them “Balls, Inc.” instead because that’s impressive, my friends.

At this time, Caulbraen, riddled with guilt from the Stormwind debacle, ran back to Orgrimmar for booze.

Yes, let’s shee.

Other than that, the judges cannot take responsibility over any other issues that players may have experienced during the game.

Like that one.

After the 2.5 hours were up, the teams raced back to Shimmering Flats to turn in their items and screenshots.

Although all three groups had different strategies and were in different places all over the world, screenshots were surprisingly popular. In fact, most groups only turned in one or two items. Arcadi, our screenshot judge, had his hands full with all of the screenshots being emailed to him.

While we waited on our screenshot judge, we heard everyone’s haiku submissions.

From Greenballs, Inc.:

From Grim’s Reapers:

And from Zug’s Slugs:

Contrary to Zug’s statement, it was actually called “Untitled”. Because I am retarded, I didn’t get a screenshot of Autumnwolf performing the haiku.

Hark, there is Zuggles!
He sucks so much that God kills
a kitten for spite.

Poor Arcadi was still counting up the screenshots, so we played Dance Dance Revolution while we waited.

DocSeuss was taking screenshots of the event, rather than dancing. Rhuinn thought it was the prime opportunity to make her move on the Doc.

I’m sure you can imagine that Doc was pretty excited. I think he’s going to call her and ask her out to some dwarf killing on Friday. He’s so suave.

We were all having a good time until Zug’s flatulence problems started acting up again.

Luckily for us, Arcadi had the screenshot points added up, which Bara and I added to each team’s item and haiku points. If you read the title of this post, you’d already know who won. If you didn’t read it, and you need some help, then congrats Zug’s Slugs! Here’s a picture of our winners as they divided up the phat lewts.

The phat lewts were:
Arcanite Bar x3
The Silencer
Wirt’s Peener
Snowman Kit x2
Limited Invulnerability Potion x5
Swiftness Potion x5
Great Rage Potion x5
Major Healing Potion x5
Greater Arcane Potion x5
Rage Potion x5
Greater Rage Potion x5
Greater Fire Protection Potion x5
Major Healing Potion x5
Superior Healing Potion x5
Savory Deviate Delight x20
Stonescale Eel x20
Grilled Squid x20
Pattern: Felcloth Shoulders
And 255 gold.

The other participating groups received 10x Savory Deviate Delight and some chicken pets. Rapine and Krushed continued the dance fever with their new illusions, while Iraas stared at Daisy’s ass.

Not that I’m judging anyone.

All in all, a fantastic night for the LoOnies. Stay tuned for more fun and hilarity.

Good old Dr. Seuss made an appearance to the guild the other night, to warm up the LoOnies for the first ever Scavenger Hunt that will be taking place on January 1. So far sign ups have been low, but we are hoping for a great turnout. The group with the most points will win a pretty nice sum of money to divide amongst them, as well as some various items and enchantments. The prize winnings have all been donated by a few different members and we appreciate the contributions that have been received thus far. At this time we are still taking donations so if there is anything you would like to contribute, it would be greatly appreciated. If you’re broke, then don’t sweat it — come on out and see if you and your team can’t get lucky!

At 6:45pm CST on January 1, meet down at the Shimmering Flats! As DocSeuss, our Master of Ceremonies, has directed us, find the girl with the short pants! Thankfully this time we don’t mean me, although I do have a lot of complaints about how my pants and boots never seem to meet up at my knees. Never mind, that’s a post for another day. At 6:45, Arcadi and Caul will be splitting up everyone into groups of about 3 - 4 people. Each group must come up with their own team name. At 7:00pm CST, the Scavenger Hunt list will be posted on the site, as well as the members forum, and the games will begin!

The rules are:

1. You cannot pay people to participate in your screenshots. Do not bend the rules - this means no exchanging of items, money or services - that includes lapdances (I’m watching you, Zug).

2. Groups must stick together. If a team member goes Linkdead, the team must wait for the member to come back before pressing on. Teams may not split up to search for various items - you must stick together.

3. Zug sucks.

Other than that, I can’t think of any other rules. If any occur to me, I will be sure to shout ‘em out before we begin.

Because we are taking screenshots, all shots will be emailed to Arcadi in their original formats - Arcadi will post his email address in the members forum. Just be sure that when you send your screenshot, you say who you are and what team you’re with.

We are very excited to have DocSeuss oversee the event as our Master of Ceremonies. It wasn’t easy to get him after all, because he is quite a celebrity, not to mention the fact that he’s dead (RIP Dr. Seuss!). Everywhere he goes, fans flock to him, showering him with affection! In fact, when DocSeuss made his appearance in Durotar the other day, one fan was so excited that he was completely confused about how to react! Many dueling requests were followed with group requests, all of which had to be respectfully declined. But this hardcore fan was not going to be turned away so easily! Snubbed by his favorite author, he was not about to let our dear DocSeuss go.

LoOnies, I would like you to meet Henry.

Henry is a young troll who was confused about his love for the Great DocSeuss.

Um, excuse me? Please keep in mind that the great DocSeuss, although he is a shaman in a skirt, is a boy. Definitely. I mean, I’ve not peeked under his bottoms to check it out, but I’m pretty confident that he is a male troll, and as such, really digs lady trolls. You wouldn’t know this, but he’s a real ladies’ man. Needless to say DocSeuss was quite confused about this offer, although definitely amused.

Asssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

After my sassy comeback, I think Henry felt that I had thrown down the gauntlet — except that I don’t think he knows what a “gauntlet” is, so maybe I’ll just say “glove” or “mitten”. Oops, “mitten” has too many syllables. Let’s just stick with “glove”. Anyway, he’s not going to let this one go without a fight, since he is getting a sense that he’s being insulted.

Dude, did I not just explain to you that DocSeuss is male and wanting to shake his asssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss for you would make him gay and he likes the hot troll ladies? My suspicious are correct: Henry is not the brightest bulb in the box. Enjoying his idiocy thoroughly, I continue the conversation.

I have to admit, at this point I was desperately wishing that I was having a verbal sparring match with something a little more intelligent, such as a rock or a tree or Kevin Federline — and you have no idea how desperate you are for intelligence until you’re wishing that you were talking to Kevin Federline instead. Henry, it seems, has no creative juices for a conversation, and needs to draw inspiration from what other people say. For example, if I suddenly told him that I did not like scrambled eggs, he would come back with, “You like scrambled eggssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss” But no, I was wrong. He seemed very confused about my response.

Huh?

This conversation is going nowhere, fast. So I leave Henry to his own devices at this point. Besides, as you can see, DocSeuss is on a mission to level up and make it to the Scavenger Hunt! The guy’s a working machine, and quite franky he doesn’t have time to banter with idiots.

Aaaand we’re back to square one with the whole homosexual scenario, which isn’t going to happen because I think DocSeuss likes to cruise for the ladies. When I stop responding, Henry uses his last ditch effort to make his suave moves on DocSeuss, who just won’t fall for his masculine wiles.

Dwadd? Is that an insult, or is he trying to cyber me?

That was the last I saw of Henry, although I will always remember him. Oh wait, I’ve forgotten him already. Oh well, there’s no time to dwell anyway because DocSeuss is on a mission to bring to you the greatest Scavenger Hunt event! Time is of the essence!

Go swiftly DocSeuss, and we will see you tomorrow at the games!

Just a quick update from the noobs. We went to Zul’Farrak and messed around a bit, trained ourselves a lot, and had a great time letting Ara die. Repeatedly. Congrats everyone on their new toys! Arachne also got a new toy while we were there:

Careful with that new toy hunter there. He gets a little ornery at times and can put an eye out.

Here’s Mr. Bly:

Congrats to the hunters on their Masons Fraternity Rings!

Also, congrats to Ara on disenchant bait, Jinxed Hoodoo Skin, that dropped from one of the named trolls at the end of the event.

We beat up on Chief Ukorz Sandscalp and his little friend before we left the area, congrats Rhuinn on her new Ripsaw.

After that, we stopped briefly to take down Witch Doctor Zum’Rah, who must have not dropped anything important, because I didn’t take a screenshot. I think his Witch Doctor Chest had something like mageweave and some copper. Yes, that’s it. We got better stuff killing the undead trolls around the area.

After that, we were getting a little silly, and Ara told Thundrax to pull a lot of mobs while Arcadi (our priest) was AFK. Thund got a bunch of scarabs and unfortunately the named came along too. Amazingly enough, we didn’t all die!

After Arc came back, Ara wanted another train. Choo-choo! Fortunately the only death with this one was Ara.

There were a couple of other critters that we didn’t bother with due to some of us not having the quests ready or just a general lack of time, it being a work night. All in all, a good time. I leave you with this happy thought:

Happy eye-gouging!

Because there is no such thing as having too much fun with monks, Peen & Co. packed up the pitchforks and went a-farmin’. This time, we were denied Arachne’s not-quite-as-uber-as-Iraas’-green-balls, but we still went with this joyful holiday chorus ringing in our ears:



Ahh, don’t you just love Christmastime?

Pressing on. We looked in on Houndmaster so-and-so, and he decided to just fall over and die. Pity. Grats Thundrax on the dog whistle.

After that, to Arcanist Doan! Congrats Rhuinn on a new pokey:



Also, congrats Peen on what we thought was going to be vendor bait. Boy were we wrong!



Apparently the Peen likes to feel more free when he’s fighting, so he chose to wear the robe for a good long while. Arcadi was not amused.



Onward to Herod!



Congrats Rapine on shoulders:



We dispatched the remaining two named and their friends with surprising ease. Congrats Arcadi on a new necklace, and Thundrax on new pants!





It was then decided that Herod didn’t look dead enough when we left him. So we figured we’d go kick him again for good measure, and hopefully to get the hat for Thundrax. Herod was apparently tired of seeing us by this point, so he gave it up without a fight. Grats Thundrax!

And just because it’s apparently fun to kill small furry creatures: AW out.